Drinking Alcohol, And My School Paper

The paper at the school at which I teach ran an article/editorial about student drinking and dances. To summarize, the article said to drink after the dance, because there's no sense in coming drunk to a dance only to get busted. Probably to cover someone's hide, the last sentence stated that students should wait until after the dance to drink, long after, like when it's legal. I thought that was a good rhetorical device to use :-)

And with that intro, here's a joke email I got.

SUBJECT: ALCOHOL WARNING Due to increasing product liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
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WARNING: the consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a fool.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
_________
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex- lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
_________
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
_________
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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WARNING: The crumsumpten of alcahol may Mack you thinh you can tipe reel goode