Thursday, June 23, 2005

My Favorite Religious Joke

A cardinal rushes into the Pope's quarters. "Your Holiness," he says. "I've got some good news and some bad news!"

"First tell me the good news."

"Your Holiness, Jesus Christ has returned to Earth--and he's on the phone and wants to talk to you!"

"That's great news!" exclaims the Pope. "What could possibly be the bad news?"

"He's calling from Salt Lake City."

Apropos of my recently completed trip....


Phyllis S said...

The greatest fear of every Southern Baptist.

Anonymous said...

That's quite funny, I'm Catholic, kind of, ha ha, here’s a classic: A not-so-Catholic man gets hit by a bus and goes up to heaven. When there, he sees a giant wall. He gets to the gate and asks the keeper what this big wall was. The gate keeper replies, "Oh well we had to keep the Catholics there to help them think they were the only ones up here." Kind of a burn on my own religion but that joke can apply to almost every religion.

If anyone reading this has ever dared to watch South Park, I know I know, kind of a dumb show, but it has excellent morals deep down, they had one episode showing the gate and everyone is asking the keeper which religion gets to go to heaven. He says no to a Catholics, a Jewish person, a Baptist, and then someone finally asks well then who, and he says the Mormons, and everyone’s like "Oh, well I sure picked the wrong one." It was a great example of the stupidity and narrow mindedness of only one religion being correct.

Hopefully I don't offend anyone who believes they have the “correct” religion, that’s your right to think that. It's just almost every religion believes they are the "true one" and you all can't be right now can you?


Walter E. Wallis said...

My favorite and only plumbing joke, told years ago in an engineering ofice.

Guy: The Pope just figured how to keep the Cardinals on their toes. Raise all the Vatican urinals to 48 inches.


Guy: Don't you get the joke?

She: I'm not Catholic.

[you had to be there, I guess]

Anonymous said...

I picked this one up in Catholic school:

Three nuns were sitting around playing cards and gossiping.
The first nun said, "You wouldn't believe it, but I was vacuuming the preacher's room and I came across a bunch of dirty magazines!"
"Well, what did you do with them?" asked the others.
"I threw them out of course!" she said.
The second nun said, "That's nothing, I was doing the preacher's laundry and I found a bunch of condoms in his pocket!"
"well, what did you do?" the others asked.
"I poked them full of holes of course!" she said.
The third nun just yells "Sh**!"

Not really religious, but religion related.

miriam sawyer said...

I heard a variant of your joke.

Someone reports to Cardinal O'Connor that Jesus has been seen walking down Fifth avenue, heading straight for the Cathedral.

"This is serious," says the Cardinal. I'm going to consult a noted theologist to see if there's a way of handling this.

The theologist admits himself stumped, advises that he call so-and-so, a high muckety-muck at the Vatican.

The HMM says it is too big for him, he has to consult the Pope. Puts the Pope on the phone.
Cardinal O; "Jesus is walking down Fifth Avenue--he's coming this way! What should I do?"

Says the Pope, after a moment's thought, "Look busy."