Today I contacted the bank and asked them to send me a check when my certificate of deposit matures in a few weeks.
I don't have any other accounts with them, so in order to get my own money from them, I have to pay. If I wanted the money wired somewhere, there would be a wire transfer fee. If I want a check sent to me, there's a check preparation fee.
This is absurd. It ranks right up there with--might even surpass!--luggage fees at airlines, or the "resort fee" at hotels.