The best things in life are Chinese food, a Japanese wife and American citizenship. The worst things in life are Japanese food, an American wife and Chinese citizenship.
Heaven is where the Americans govern, the Germans are the mechanics, the British are the police, and the Italians are the lovers. Hell is where the Italians govern, the British are the mechanics, the Germans are the police, and the Americans are the lovers.
Heaven is where the police are English, the cooks French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian, and everything is run by the Swiss. Hell is where the police are German, the cooks English, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss and everything is run by the Italians.