Watch the video here first, about the dress code at a Catholic school's awards event.
Several of us worked at last Friday's dance and we were shocked at the way the girls dressed. When I started at that school a dozen years ago, girls came to dances dressed in one of three ways: a small number were way overdressed, as for cotillion; most were nicely dressed; a small number dressed as hookers. Those three categories are essentially gone now; by almost universal agreement, the vast majority of the girls at Friday's dance were dressed in what I'll nicely call "pole-dancing chic".
For starters, 14-17 year-olds don't need to be wearing 6" heels. Most of them can't walk in them anyway, and sometimes it's funny to watch them clomp around in them. After pictures are taken they ditch the shoes anyway, walking around the gym and the concrete breezeway in their bare feet. One wonders what they think when they go into the restroom.
Then there are those dresses, the ones that are Saran-Wrap-tight and are so short that every few steps the girls are pulling the backs of their dresses down to ensure their butts are covered. I am not making this up.
And there was a school administrator at the door who allowed all of them in. This floors me.
With boys it's pretty easy. They wear slacks and a shirt, probably a tie, and that's it. There's no need to tell boys that they can't wear muscle tees to a nice event, and there's no societal norm, even for adult men, to have their pants slit up to their you-know-whats. Dress codes for guys are easy. "Keep it classy" is a fairly clear instruction, as was the rest of the boys' dress code in the video above.
It's is not so clear with women. "How do you put into a dress code that dresses shouldn't be skin tight like that?" was a question that came up in the staff lounge just today when discussing what's appropriate attire at a school dance. Dress codes for girls need to be more detailed because there are more ways for girls to dress, both good and bad, than there are for guys. It would be nice if "choose an outfit pretty enough to show you are a woman and covered enough to show you are a lady" were all that was needed to ensure the girls dressed appropriately, but sadly it's not.
The dress code isn't sexist, it's appropriate. Perhaps if someone addressed how having breasts or butt cheeks popping out of a tiny dress could be considered sexual harassment, just the same as a dirty joke can....
Our school puts on a Student Council fashion show which demonstrates appropriate formal attire for prom. Many districts around here do the same with support from the various tux rental and formalwear stores. That being said, it is almost a rite of Spring that we have the story of the outraged Momma who allowed her little darling to look like she was auditioning for the local strip club rather than attending a high school event. Momma will cite that she "paid good money" for the dress and that her daughter is being "discriminated against and singled out". I stopped chaperoning dances because frankly most of the activity look like they are simulating something other than dancing if you get my drift. Dress code is something I hate to deal with because the male administrators are embarrassed to tell a girl it's inappropriate to have her boobs hanging out in front or her rear end in the back. The biggest fight right now is leggings. Light colored leggings on girls with darker skin leaves nothing to the imagination. And since they don't want visible panty lines, they wear very little under them. I have no idea what kind of parent allows their daughters to dress this way, but they are obviously delusional as to the impression their daughters make on others.
ReplyDeleteSome of the biggest arguments I had with my daughter was over clothing. I refused to let her wear short shorts with writing on the butt. I refused to let her wear see through or midriff tops to school. Yet, because I did that, she because somewhat of a social outcast simply because the administration refused to enforce their own dress code at the school she attended. Failure to enforce a dress code penalizes those students and parents who try to follow the rules.
ReplyDeleteIt's ok to dress like a piece of meat, but then people get bent out of shape when they're treated like a piece of meat.
ReplyDeleteYou work at a public school, right? You can't say a word about what they wear, and you shouldn't even try. If you do, you'll be on the news in about five seconds flat as someone who Hates Women and Discriminates Against Self-Expression, and the media backlash will end your career.
ReplyDeleteWith California's tenure laws? :)
ReplyDeleteI tend to agree with Ellen K… I don't agree with dress codes in general, unless there is a good reason for them. Showing off the naughty bits is a good reason. But -- as a male teacher, to even acknowledge that you noticed them -- well, you're right, Darren, you wouldn't be fired. But I guarantee you will develop a reputation as being the creepy guy who's looking sown the girl's shirts, and that isn't good. So the way you attack this is on two fronts: first, work the parents, and let THEM know what's appropriate --because ultimately they are the one who let their daughters out of the house …and yes, I kn ow there is the possibility of subterfuge. Second, dress code enforcers stick with the same sex -- that isn't fair, because as you correctly pointed out, boys are pretty easy. But if your goal is to fix the problem, it's really the only way.
ReplyDeleteI disagree, and here's why.
ReplyDeleteIf someone flashes you and you see it, you're not the creepy person for seeing it. The creepy person is the person who flashes you. Girls (or anyone else, for that matter) can't show every millimeter of skin up to their butt cheek and then get offended if I notice it.
People showing off too much body are the ones guilty of sexual harassment. You have the "creepy" person misidentified. Progress will not be made if we keep "blaming the victim", ie saying men teachers cannot correct dress code violations of girl students.
Next year, to unify the boys' and girls' dress codes, they should just model a single code after the boys' current code: No part of your body should be visible except your hands, your head and the upper part of your neck, no facial hair or earrings.
ReplyDeleteAs it stands, the boys' code is far, far more strict: don't show anything and no visible jewelry!
While I agree with you in principle, and your principal would also support you in principle (see what I did there?), you can't control student rumors. And, fair or not, you will be branded 'that guy.' And you're right -- that is detrimental to progress. That's why parents are the most important link in the chain.
ReplyDeleteThere are all kinds of sexual harassment. As teachers we are required to know and avoid them and have required in-service on what constitutes this kind of abuse. That being said, what do you do when a student who is special education, whose parents have intimidated administration and lawyered up, acts our in inappropriate ways. We have just such a student. He keeps making penises in ceramics class, which I consider as offensive and out of context for the assignments offered and as harassment to his peers and to the female teachers. Yet, administration seems to see nothing wrong with this. My view is that administrators by and large are unwilling to take up a fight that might put them in a bad light for publicity. So if you turn a girl in for dress code violations or a boy for explicit abusive harassment, be sure their parents haven't already logged in with the district as known legal clients.
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